Junkies Thought

OK RAISE YOUR HANDS IF YOU HAVE EVER WASHED A DUST PAN!?!!!

OK now isn’t that either going to extremes or maybe even a little obsessive? I mean really now. I thought about that as I was sitting here and have been doing my best to keep up the house, keep it clean, and also do some deep cleaning here for a few weeks! Really hard when you have back issues, and a bummed up knee not to mention everything else with my breathing but have been doing it.

And To Tell you the truth it hasn’t been easy. Just have to keep at it, and try to just do the best that I can today. Than also I found the Big Book Come Alive with Joe And Charlie You Can Download Them As Well so if anyone like those than have at it!

Well I suppose things are going pretty well.  I think that my meds are starting to work again, I am so glad of that just don’t quite understand why some of us have to be on NUT MEDS and others don’t I just know that I feel much better most of the time when I am on them.  I still think that people are watching me and things.  I have a lot of fear that I am trying to work on with counselors and Doctors!  All I know is that I can’t drink or shoot dope cause I am not wanting that life today and for quite a few days now.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

One day at a meeting I was talking about sometimes not being able to sleep for long, sometimes even 40 some hours. Don’t know why although they say that long usage of using Meth causes insomnia. I am not sure about that so don’t quote me on it. Well anyways back to the meeting. This guy was saying, “When your body gets tired enough no matter what meds you have, it will shut down.” That he said is just a human thing that even some normal people (If there is such a thing) go through.

So anyways, I’ve been working on one of my craft items that I will be putting up and I haven’t yet decided on how I’m going to get that all to work out for ordering. I have a friend though so many they can help me figure that one out with this pluggin or maybe find one on Wordpress to use. Either way would be fine with me.

I’ve also been cleaning and even downloading more Ibpro Arcade Games Now Over 7,000 To Download so that is pretty cool I do love my games.  And why wouldn’t I it is a good way to get out of my mind sometimes a way to escape.  I like to just kick back and play Pacman is my favorite!

So now I am uploading them and I will probably download another 500 or so yet sometime here in the near future.  I hope I can get some business this way and be self supporting in my life doing things that I could do if I have the clients.  All I want so I don’t have to be using disability.

Grateful for the times that I can find just a few moments of peace within my mind. Where it isn’t so negative, hateful, spiteful. Just happy that sometimes I can actually feel someone more of a gentleman state. Whatever that is and I pretty much know what that is and also how to live it. I just need to keep trying to do my best each day and it just isn’t easy controlling the thoughts that are inside of your head. And I mean with or without medications. Mine are still there. Sure somethings might be improving and here is where they will say, “Progress Not Perfection.” And this is where I would reply, “Have you ever done anything in moderation?” The answer NO!
So tonight I am not in a whinny arszs Mood and if you might not have kinda notice I’ve been working on not cussing so much either. Now see here is where I come in and get angry cause I can not do these things to perfection. Seems like I am always up against the wall at times, and than here we are tonight and there seems like there is nothing but peace. I am thinking OMG you had better cherish this moment.

Now the serequel that I am on is 100mg which isn’t much I know. But now I know why I quit taking them darn things and that is because of the cramping that happens in the legs and feet. It is extremely painful. So I am wondering if there just isn’t something that might not have them side affects at least for me. OK have to run.

Have a Good evening

Find more videos like this on The Ellen DeGeneres Show

As these thoughts fill my inner self
I never did have a lot of wealth…

I feel as if I need to escape
I feel almost as I’ve been raped…

I think about just ending it all
And no I don’t even need to get a ball…

I have the pills don’t you see
They would surely set me free…

Free from the world in which I live
Maybe this is the time to give…

Give myself up and turn away
I am not wanting to play…

I’ve played the game all my life
I’ve had a lot of strife…

I’ve came from a broken home
How many times have I said that tone…

We were poor with nothing to eat
Whe we were younger we were beat…

I remember getting whipped with a chain
And hell it didn’t even rain…

I remember walking alone in the dark
It was really scary in the park…

So as these thoughts just consume my head
Maybe it is really time for bed…

Not to awaken again in this life
But going on to another time…

You see my mission I believe has been met
Now it’s time to lay to rest

Written  By

Victor

All rights reserved

Time to go…no blow, just time to go

I was really wondering that.  Most junkies Male and Female, have many issues regarding sex and how we portray people when we are high on dope.  Heck that is what I basically used for was to get laid.  Why because dope makes it so you can have sex for hours.  But all this time on the Internet, I have yet even found much talk about the sex issues that we all have?

Most of us are unwilling to reveal the true selves.  Our true self and the nature of the beast.  I guess most are ashamed of the things that we have done sexually.  But I guess I might be just a little different than some.  Cause I am grateful that I got the privilege of having threesomes, foursomes, etc.  Why do I say that?  Cause if I wasn’t high, I probably would have never adventured down that avenue.  I actually know that I wouldn’t have because sober at least for me it is even hard enough for me to even talk to someone about going out or watching a movie.  I have no courage at all in this area when it comes to dating or whatnot.

I do know that while I was high, I could talk openly about my desires, thoughts, and express them in such a way.  But being sober it is different.  I had that false courage is what it really boils down too.  Yet I enjoy that part of the addiction so much that in all reality that is what takes me back out.  Because I want to be  naughty.  Somehow or for some reason I am not able to let that part out when being sober.   Kinda strange isn’t it?  Why?

I’ll tell ya what though I had the best sex when I was filled up on dope.

So that is this Junkies Thought This Morning besides the YETS.

It’s been awhile but today I took my Chance since I finally got insurance of the van that my Nephew bought me and went downtown to New Hope for my Happy Hour Meeting. OMG Did I ever need that. I had to go over to my Good Friends Doug’s place to get my proof of insurance printed out. I though on the way driving there LMAO well if I get pulled over I will have to tell him that my proof on insurance in on my Flash Drive LOL

But that didn’t happen. Don’t know really wasn’t a meeting meeting but it sure was a wonderful feeling to be able to be there. I just like going there for some reason I find a lot of peace within myself when I am there. Unfortunately the group is struggling financially. We don’t even have a phone there anymore. I wish I could sure contribute more than what I do. I would hate to see that place close down, heck it has been around for many years.

So on the way home after we left Doug’s House we stopped at the grocery store and I picked up some lunchmeat. I haven’t eaten all day so it was good to eat a few sandwiches. Of course Chance got his also. He is a pretty spoiled dog but he so deserves it also.

Well I need to get busy uploading some more games on another site and get the forums set up on there. I am just so happy that these are doing good now and not having to start them over and over that really is upsetting at least to me when those things happen. OK so there is my thoughts for tonight

And that is how it fucking goes.  I am so damn pissed been in pain for days.  My refills on  my meds were good for the first and I still haven’t gotten them.  I’ve been in pain  now for days, and I can hardly stand it anymore.  By Knee is killing me right now I can barely walk and that isn’t even including the fricking pain that I have in my Lower Back right now.  OMFG OMFG OMFG

My sponsor used to tell me that there is a lot of POWER in staying calms well Gosh Darn It I can only stay calm for so many days.  If he isn’t going to give me what I need or do whatever he has to to me knee and back ( which they say they can’t operate on me) than you better do what you have prescribed or change the fucking prescription.

Than he told me is I needed more Zanax to let him know I thought that I did, so I told them that.  Well this has been going on now since Fucking Saturday.   Almost a WEEK now.  I made a appointment with my Nut Doctor cause I can’t even get my 10mg of lexapro cause there are no refills.  WTF?

Tell me am I wrong if they want me on these meds they should keep them going.  If they can fix my pain and  bones than do it, If I die SO FUCKING WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!